I learned about the relationship between my mind and breath at my first Buddhist retreat. Sitting in calm alertness, I tried to focus my mind on a single point of pure, dependable reality: my breathing. Sitting peacefully I thought: Breathing in I feel myself breathing in. Breathing out I feel the air slowly moving out through my nose. Is that feeling my breath coming out? Yes, that is it. In…feeling….feeling….out…feeling…feeling….. Huh, am I meditating now? Is this what it feels like? Well, if this is it, it doesn’t really feel like anything much. I’m just sitting here. When will something happen? Something should happen with all these people here. Is something happening? Not really, but… boy, I can actually hear myself thinking. Hel-low self! Wow…I can hear a lot of people around me coughing, too. Are they sick? I hope my kids don’t get sick and miss any school. How on earth can I stay home with them when I’ve got a board meeting next week? Ugh—I forgot to add that thingy to the board agenda. I keep forgetting! Oh, how am I going to remember to add it when I’m just sitting here meditating. Oh yeah, I’m meditating. Pay attention to your breath, Heather! You’re messing this up. Is this meditating? When is it going to start?

I spent the entire week listening to the incessant chatter in my head. For the first time I heard my inner voice as it actually was: a neurotic wreck. After a bit, I felt amused by the places my mind would go, how fast it traveled. I found my internal chatter was more entertaining and unpredictable than the best Hollywood dramas. Then, it dawned on me: this unregulated voice, this unconscious, small-thinking, defensive tyrant was in there giving shape to my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Worst of all, I was unknowingly pushed around by this harsh, judgmental bully my whole life. With mindfulness I was—for the first time—awakened to the truth of reality: I have a noisy mind and most of my thoughts are unhelpful, not worth believing. My true self is more than these small thoughts. My true self is the one listening to this prattle.

This discovery and the many that followed showed me that a mindfulness practice is an essential discipline if we are to understand the reality of the present moment. If we are unconscious to our small thinking, fear, greed, anger, or the delusion driving our behavior, we act in ways that cause regret and suffering. But—through mindfulness—we can notice we are suffering, identify the causes of our pain, put an end to it, and avoid it in the future. This is the teaching of the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths.